


The crackiest crack that ever did crack

by Rollthedice



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 20:08:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rollthedice/pseuds/Rollthedice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is literally no way to describe this</p>
            </blockquote>





	The crackiest crack that ever did crack

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of what happens when you watch Inception with your friends and things get a teensy bit out of hand and you all end up falling about laughing over someone's forehead.
> 
> We were literally laughing at a forehead I kid ye not
> 
> This is in no way meant to be taken seriously at all and I would recommend that you run now and never look back

“This is ridiculous”

“Isn't everything we do ridiculous?”

“Not like this Eames...”

“Oh I'm sorry Arthur, is going into peoples dreams for a living not ridiculous enough for you?”

 

Eames looked at him with a grin wider than it had any right to be, sitting down as he watched the point man pace back and forth, taking immense pleasure in every exaggerated huff and sigh.

 

“Darling it's not like it's dangerous” He drawled, earning himself a glare that would rival death itself

“No but it's stupid, Why would you even want to do it?”

“For science!”

“Sci- Eames do you even hear yourself speak?!”

“Why yes I do, it's rather a pleasant sound don’t you think?”

Arthur groaned at that, burying his face into his hands, trying and failing to hide the slight smile underneath his palm.

 

“So will you help me Darling?”

“No.”

 

Three hours, a lot of pouting and glaring later, Arthur and Eames sat side by side in the uncomfortable plane seats. Arthur seemed to be holding a staring competition with the note book in front of him, eyeing it with such intensity it's a surprise nothing accidentally caught fire.

 

“Lighten up Darling, look, the sky store sells musical litter trays!”  
“Eames, neither of us even has a cat” Arthur sighed

“We could get one!” He replied with a smirk “Nice little house, just you...me...and fluffy”  
“Stop it, stop it right now”

Eames chuckled, leaning over to look at the notebook “It's not like you need to research the mark, you've lived in his pocket for years”

“I have _not_ lived in Cobb's pocket” Arthur scowled “And this is just like any other job, we need to have a plan”

Arthur, of course, was right. But that didn’t stop Eames from plucking the book out of his grip and accidentally throwing it across the plane.

“Eames!” Arthur yelled crossly

“Oh relax love, this isn't a job...More of a vacation”

“In Cobb's mind?”

“Yes”  
“You dragged me halfway across the world to have a vacation in Cobb's mind?”

“Yes” Eames said, grinning wildly. Arthur would have throttled him there and then had Eames not taken the opportunity to slip out of his seat and stretch his legs.

“ _Ridiculous”_ Arthur muttered to himself.

 

As they disembarked Arthur couldn’t help but remember an earlier conversation, where Eames had promised that they were in fact helping Cobb, that he knew how to 'fix him' as it were. The point man began to seriously doubt the others words. He didn’t particularly want to run through his best friends mind, much less so when Eames withheld his information and reasons from him.

 

Nevertheless once Eames was occupied with tracking down their bags Arthur flipped open his phone, dialling Cobb's number in an effortless motion.

 

“Hello?” a gruff voice answered on the fourth ring

“Cobb. It's Arthur”

For a moment there was silence, nothing but the crackling of the connection

“Arthur!” Cobb said at last “Is everything okay? You know I'm not going back into the field right?”

“No, no, we're fine. This is more of a....social call”

More silence, Arthur could practically hear Cobb squinting.

“Arthur are you sure you're all right?”  
 _Bloody hell..._ this was getting them nowhere “Cobb I’m fine. I just wondered if you wanted to meet up, me and Eames are on...Vacation”

“It's about time you two got together” Cobb began, sounding far too happy for his own good “Yusuf owes me 20 bucks, he said it would at least take another month”

“Cobb!” Arthur exclaimed “We aren't...”

Unfortunately Eames had returned from his baggage claims adventure, taking the phone from Arthur as he began to push the point man towards the doors.

 

“Cobb?”

“Eames? I was just telling Arthur how pleased I am you two are finally getting together”

Eames stopped in his tracks, a wide grin sneaking on to his face and all but taking over “Oh yes!” He said into the mouthpiece “It's great isn't it? We are ever so in love, regular sex and all-”

“Eames!” Arthur protested, trying to grab the phone from his hands

“You should hear him when we get together, surprisingly vocal-” He winked at Arthur, ignoring the voice on the other end of the line all together before handing the phone back, smiling ever so politely before resuming his walk to the taxi service.

 

A few moments later Arthur joined him, looking wonderfully red in the face

“You're unbelievable” He scowled

“Hey, I'm not the one who told Cobb we had 'finally gotten together'”

“I didn't!” Arthur protested “I told him we we're on vacation! He took it to mean tha-”

“Say no more _ma petite fleur”_ Eames grinned “It was written in the stars after all”

Arthur narrowed his eyes as he pushed him into the cab and promptly began not speaking to Eames for the duration of their journey.

 

-/-

 

The next day the three of them sat around a booth at a local restaurant. Arthur and Eames sat through hour after hour of “Phillipa this” and “James that” amidst Arthurs contributions of “No we are not a couple” and “Yes I'm sure” and an hour later Cobb lay sprawled out on a hotel bed asleep, the PASIV device humming softly.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Arthur mused, looking from Cobb's limp body to Eames.

“Positive darling” came his reply, the forger not looking up from the device

“But _how_ is this supposed to help him?”

“You'll see-” Eames began before his train of thought was broken and thrown off the rails by a hand gripping itself around his wrist, yanking him up.

“No.” Arthur stated “I want to know why you plan on gallivanting through Cobb's mind, and bringing me with you”

“I have a theory” Eames said calmly, making no effort to claim his wrist back

“A theory?” Arthur quizzed, raising his eyebrow

“Yes...Do you trust me?”

“What?”

“Do you trust me?”

 

As Eames refrained from bursting in to _“A whole new world”_ (Prompted by their last conversation) Arthur slipped the needle into Cobb’s wrist, then his own. All it took was a short, sharp nod to Eames and they were under, on probably the most ridiculous mission of his life.

 

-/-

 

“Eames?” Arthur said wearily, looking around at his surroundings

“Yes Arthur?”

“Would you mind telling me _why_ we are about five millimetres tall?”

“Ah....well it was necessary”

“Necessary for what?”

“Follow me!”

 

Against his better judgement, Arthur did, climbing over rolling pins as if they were mountains and dodging the building sized water droplets from the taps. Eventually they found what they were looking for. Cobb (Who luckily for him, Arthur noted, had not been miniaturised like a bloody cartoon.)

 

Whatever Arthur had been expecting, it wasn't for Eames to suddenly begin climbing the sleeping man, pausing only when he stood on top of his ear. A few minutes later an extremely pissed off Arthur joined him, a look that was only to be deepened when Eames pointed valiantly to Cobb's forehead.

 

“See that?” he asked, gripping on to strands of hair as he pulled himself level with his current focal point.

“What am I looking at?” Arthur sighed, looking in annoyance at his friends forehead.

“Those two holes, I noticed them on the Fischer job...I had to see something...”

“Are you seriously telling me we came all this way so you could look at a hole on Cobb's forehead?” Arthur asked, pinching the bridge of his nose, silently deciding to never trust Eames again

“Of course not Darling!” Eames scoffed “I'm not mad you know”

“Good...So lets go the-” Arthur began, only to be swiftly interrupted

“I'm not here to look, I'm here to _explore”_ And with that he was off again, moving with some difficulty towards the hole, ignoring Arthur's angry yelling.

 

“Oh my god...Arthur you have to see this!” Eames called before disappearing into the hole, causing Arthur to recoil slightly, almost falling off Cobb's shoulder.

“Eames that is the most disgusting thing I have _ever_ seen” he said, shuddering as he glared at the spot Eames once stood. “Eames?” he called, the hairs on the back of his neck prickling at the lack of response. Grumbling he made his way over, silently cursing Eames for possibly getting himself in danger.

 

With a grimace he ducked down, entering the weirdly circular hole with a shiver. He truly did not expect what he saw.

 

Thousands of luscious green trees sprouted from the ground, snow capped and glistening in the evening light. A soft breeze rustled his clothes, causing the branches to sway slowly, their leaves occasionally dropping, twirling a slow waltz in the air before settling to the ground. In the distance he could hear the warble of birds (Birds? Seriously?) and below him the soft crunch of footsteps in the snow. _Eames._

 

“Eames what the fuck is going on?” Arthur said crossly, torn between amazed and severely grossed out.

“Something like Narnia?” Eames replied with a grin, ducking down to seemingly observe the snow.

“We need to get out of here..” Arthur begun “Or we might-”

 

But they never found out what they might, for Eames chose that moment to throw a perfectly sculpted snowball at Arthur's back, hitting him in the back of his head. Arthur turned around slowly, his eyes glinting with something Eames had never seen before. Something like insanity, mixed with challenge and what he could have _sworn_ was joy.

 

He didn't have long to ponder this however as suddenly his face was covered in snow, Eames brushed it off quickly and stared at Arthur, who grinned back. Eames raised his eyebrow before chuckling aloud “Game on!” He called, diving behind a nearby tree as a snowball narrowly skimmed his ear.

 

A few hours later the two of them sat beside a pair of snow angels, panting as they tried to regain their breath. Arthurs suit was effectively ruined, and if he noticed he made no effort to fix it, seemingly content with their situation.

 

“You think we should tell him he has a fucking forest in his head?” Arthur asked, pulling his jacket around him as he fought against the cold

“For some reason I don't think that's a good idea Darling” Eames said, the slight shivers of Arthur's shoulders gaining his attention. Without another word he wrapped his arm around him, pulling him closer. To his credit Arthur did begin by protesting, but sooner or later melted into Eames embrace. But that's okay, because this is all a dream, and they can deal with explaining themselves to Cobb when they wake up.

 

For now, all that there is, is them, the snow beneath them and the distant birds with their distant song. For now, nothing else matters.


End file.
